Bonding With Your New Baby

Some women bond with their baby as soon as they see those two little lines pop up on a pregnancy test, and for others, that bond doesn’t form until weeks—or even months—after their baby is born.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I didn’t know this. I thought the moment I saw those two lines, it would be instant. Visceral. But that wasn’t the case.

I gave myself grace and thought, “Maybe when I see the baby on the ultrasound.”Again, we went to the ultrasound, saw and heard the heartbeat... but I felt nothing.

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I didn’t feel any sort of connection with my son. I tried so hard and became overwhelmed with anxiety, terrified that I would never feel that bond.

There’s a massive misconception that bonding happens right away for all mothers—and ho

nestly, that belief can be dangerous. When the bond doesn’t happen immediately, many women begin to question themselves: “What’s wrong with me? Am I failing already?”But what most moms don’t know is that it’s more common to bond much later than it is to bond right away.

When I gave birth to our first child, I looked at him... and still, I felt nothing. No tears of joy. No rush of emotion. No feeling of a bond.Just emptiness—and fear.

Maybe I was emotionally numb. Maybe something was wrong with me. But I was too scared to talk about it, because I had never once seen or heard of a mother bonding later. I thought I was alone.

Luckily, my bond came just a couple days later.

They took my son to the nursery for standard checkups. They said he’d be back in 20 minutes. Two hours passed—and he still wasn’t back. I began pacing uncontrollably, and that’s when it hit me.

It was like a freight train of emotion all at once, and it nearly brought me to my knees. It sounds cliché, but it was a visceral attachment that lit up every part of my soul. It was beautiful. And it was real.

When I became pregnant with my second, I assumed the bond would come right away—especially after experiencing a loss. But it didn’t.

The difference this time? I didn’t panic. I knew my bond would come in its own time, when I was ready. And it did—it came during labor, as I was pushing. The moment I saw her, the tears flowed. The connection was instant and undeniable.

But what I didn’t realize was that just as fast as a bond can be created, it can also be severed.

Two months after our daughter was born, I found my son seizing in his room—his lips blue. To save him, I had to shut off “Mom” and become a first responder. To do that, my brain severed the bond—a survival mechanism so my CPR training could take over.

After that, the disconnect continued. I didn’t feel much for him. I couldn’t. On a logical level, I knew I loved him. But to actually feel it? There was nothing—and that terrified me.

I tried traditional therapy. It didn’t help. I walked into my first hypnotherapy session feeling numb. I walked out with a spark of that bond again.

I kept going. I added meditation to my healing routine. Day by day, my connection with him grew stronger—not magically, but steadily.

Because I was healing my nervous system.I was no longer stuck in freeze mode, where I had unknowingly shut down all emotion to survive.

This happens to so many mothers, but we’re too afraid to talk about it. We’re judged. Our feelings are dismissed. And we silently wonder if we’re broken.

This is the lie society tells us.

I love to talk about the beauty of motherhood, but we also need to talk about the pain—the parts that feel lonely, dark, and invisible.

Postpartum isn’t always unicorns and rainbows. Sometimes it’s isolation and fear and wondering if you’re the only one.

So if you’re reading this, mama—hear me:Whatever you’re feeling, especially around bonding, YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.

I promise, your bond will come. You will find yourself again. And someday, you’ll look back at this season and realize the journey was worth it—no matter how messy or hard it was.

Life has a way of kicking us down in unexpected ways, of rewriting the vision we once had for pregnancy and postpartum.

But you? You have the power to stand back up. Your feelings are real. Your heart is valid. And you are a good mom—no matter what. 🤍

Remember, you are never alone. You got this mama.